Everyone’s very excited about the leaked Sony e-mails featuring foul language, cinematic events that never were, and occasionally the bagel preferences of Andrew Garfield. Aside from the brutal news that you’ll likely not see Spider-Man in Captain America 3 (but we can still hope!) the most bizarre news is that Sony has plans for a possible crossover between the so-wacky-you-can’t-handle-them-oops-they’re-cops franchise Jump Street and the aging who-cares-nobody-anymore-that’s-who ’90s alien-hunter franchise, Men in Black.
What you didn’t know is that there are (probably) even more comedy films mashed-up with beloved genre films that totally make just as much sense.
Pacific Rim/Night at the Museum
True, robot-on-monster smack-fest Pacific Rim has yet to release its first sequel, but that doesn’t mean it’s not time to start thinking about how to merge it with the fictional dimension of a zany series of comedy films. When historical figures and dummies come to life in museums, Ben Stiller and his gang are ready to do battle for the forces of good, but the miniatures from the diorama (particularly Owen Wilson as a cowboy and Steve Coogan as a Roman Centurion) don’t get much to do. But in a Pacific Rim/Night at the Museum crossover movie, they could join forces in their own jaeger-robot, which would just be the size of a regular person.
Ghost Rider/The Hangover
Misunderstood for too long now, it’s time for the dark-superhero Ghost Rider series to acknowledge what Nicolas Cage fans have known all along: a movie about a guy on a motorcycle who is a demon (and is also Nicolas Cage) is obviously a series of comedies. What happens when Bradley Cooper and his merry band of drunk fools lose their memory (again) and wake up in hot tub with Ghost Rider? What happens when that hot tub is ALSO located in Hell? It’s totally hilarious and just as good as The Hangover 3. (Though bizarrely worse than Ghost Rider 2.)
Underworld/Anchorman
If the Underworld movies have taught us anything it’s that when vampires and werewolves fight, it’s often confusing as to why this shit isn’t just direct-to-DVD. The original Anchorman featured an excellent showdown between rival news organizations which was totally hilarious. Imagine if Will Ferrell’s Ron Burgundy was a werewolf. Imagine if Kate Beckinsale had to kill him! (Actually, did this happen in the Anchorman sequel?) Potentially the last film in both franchises, but utterly watchable.
James Bond/Sex and the City
Again, if you think Sony wasn’t planning this in the previous decade (when there was still a dispute over who owned James Bond) you’re totally wrong. Both the renowned dancer ballet dancer Mikhail Baryshnikov and that one guy from Office Space both played love interests of Carrie Bradshaw (Sarah Jessica Parker) on Sex and the City in its later seasons, so Pierce Brosnan’s James Bond could have shown up at any time without raising too many eyebrows. Plus, if you’ve seen Sex and the City 2, then you know the globe-trotting plot is nearly as well-written as Die Another Day—any of the Roger Moore films.
Parks and Recreation/The Marvel Cinematic Universe
Chris Pratt’s Andy is such a loveable loser on Parks and Recreation. It would be so great if there was an alternate universe in which he was abducted by aliens and turned into a total space-badass. That movie sounds really great. Too bad it probably won’t happen. Ugh. Sony. Whatever. Way to kill my dreams.
What’s your favorite crossover that never-was?
Ryan Britt is the author of Luke Skywalker Can’t Read, forthcoming from Plume Books in 2015. His writing appears with The New York Times, The Awl, SparkLife, Electric Lit, and elsewhere. He is a longtime contributor to Tor.com.
